Let me tell you something.
For years, I couldn't figure out why I didn't like being in a closed-off bedroom. Door shut. I'd be uncomfortable. People would ask me about it, joke about it, make fun of me. "Why won't you just close the door? It's just a door."
And I couldn't explain it. I just knew I didn't like it. Period.
So I asked God. "Why am I like this? What is this about?"
And He showed me.
The Answer Came
Nicole's Story
When I was a kid, my mother used to punish me by putting me in my bedroom and closing the door.
She'd lock me in. I didn't know if I'd be in there for ten minutes or an hour or all day long. One time the sun went down and came back up. I had no bathroom in there. If I needed to go, I had a bucket. If I was thirsty, I had to wait. I couldn't get food. I couldn't do anything but sit in that room and not know when she'd let me out.
That was the real thing — not knowing.
The uncertainty. The helplessness. That was torture. So my body learned something. My body learned that closed doors meant I was trapped. Meant I couldn't get out. Meant I didn't know what was going to happen to me.
Your Body Knows Things Your Mind Forgot
The Nervous System Remembers
Here's what I figured out: Your body remembers what your mind doesn't.
I didn't sit around consciously thinking about being locked in that room every day. My mind moved on. But my BODY? My body remembered. My nervous system remembered.
So I grew up and I'm a woman now and I can open any door I want. But my body still had that memory. That lesson. That fear.
That's why I didn't like closed doors.
Now? I understand where it came from. I've done the work. I've healed from it. And now it's not a fear response anymore. It's just a preference. I prefer to have the door open. That's it. I'm not triggered. I'm not afraid. I just like it open.
That's the difference between being healed and still being wounded.
Everyone Has Something
Your Patterns Have Reasons
Here's the thing. You probably do things that don't make sense to you either.
You might not trust people, and you don't know why.
But something happened. Someone left. Someone betrayed you. Someone hurt you. And your body learned not to trust.
You might not be able to receive a compliment.
But somebody made you feel small. Made you ashamed. And your body learned to reject kindness.
You might work too hard, push too much, never rest.
But somebody taught you that love was conditional. That you had to EARN your place. That you had to DO something to matter.
You might avoid vulnerability.
But you got hurt when you were vulnerable. So your body learned to protect you by keeping people out.
You might not be able to say no.
But growing up, your needs didn't matter. Nobody listened to you. So your body learned to just give, give, give, because that was the only way to survive.
All of these things make sense. They all have a reason.
Look Back
The Practice
The teaching here is simple: Look back at your life.
Look at the things you do that confuse you. The things people give you a hard time about. The things you can't explain.
Ask God about it.
"Why am I like this? What happened to me?"
And then listen.
The answer might come through a memory. Through therapy. Through prayer. Through someone else's story that suddenly makes YOUR story make sense.
When it comes, you're going to feel something shift.
You're not going to hate yourself anymore for being "weird" or "broken" or "difficult."
You're going to understand. You're going to have compassion for yourself.
You're going to see that your nervous system was protecting you the best way it knew how.
Understand Others
Extending Grace
And when you do this for yourself, you start seeing it in other people too.
"That coworker who's always anxious?"
Something happened.
"Your friend who over-gives?"
They learned love by serving.
"Your family member who won't ask for help?"
They learned dependence hurts.
"The person who seems cold?"
They learned closeness leads to pain.
Everyone is doing the best they can with what they learned.
So stop judging. Stop making fun. Stop calling people weird.
Start asking: What happened to them? What did they learn? What is their nervous system protecting them from?
A Prayer
God, help the person reading this to look back at their own life with curiosity instead of shame.
Help them understand where they come from. Help them see that their nervous system was protecting them.
Help them have compassion for themselves.
And help them stop judging others, knowing that everyone has a story too.
Amen.
Here's What I Know
Your patterns make sense.
Your reactions have reasons.
Your body learned things to keep you safe.
None of it makes you weird. None of it makes you broken.
It makes you a survivor.
So look back. Ask God why. Listen for the answer.
And when you understand, extend yourself the same grace you'd give to a little kid who was hurt.
Because that's what you were. And that's who needs your compassion now.
Everyone has a story. Find yours. Understand it. Make peace with it.
That's how you heal.